i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
