Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
