I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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