giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
