so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
