Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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