Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize