God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
