So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
