New low: just hacked my moms facebook
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
