i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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