I cannot find my penis.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
