Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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