well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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