its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
