i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I believe in your delicious
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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