I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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