i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
