I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
In America we eat man semen.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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