his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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