I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize