Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
