I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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