So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
