And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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