Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My bed smells like the plague
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
