You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
