is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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