epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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