If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize