If i come over, it means nothing
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
