He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
