Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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