I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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