I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
