i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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