Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
