I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
