I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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