I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
