We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize