I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
