We won't sleep together?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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