Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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