pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
