We're like a lot better than the average bears
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
