it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
