$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
