Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
