I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
