I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it glows. i had to have it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize