If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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