I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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