I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
