I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize