Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
