I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
