Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
