How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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