are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My vagina just recognized that song.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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