A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
