I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
