His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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