I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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