rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
handjob tips. give me some.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
