Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
