Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
