I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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