I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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