the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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