I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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