How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
