Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
