I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
