I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
