My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
