worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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