even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
