im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
