I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
