i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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