ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
