You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
