These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
