Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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