Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
