K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
