accomplished twins. life is a go
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
