I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i drank out of a bidet.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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