YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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