dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
