I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
