Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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