just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
