I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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