i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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