I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize