bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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