She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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