i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
