So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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