I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
