I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
