The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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