Someone shit on the floor
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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