Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
