Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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