absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
