You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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